about a boy.

jonah came home from school yesterday with some really good things to say about his new school...

things like,

"I love my teacher!"

"It's so awesome i get to ride my bike to school!"

and then there were some not so good things that he expressed with big alligator tears,

"I almost pooped my pants because they wouldn't let me use the bathroom at recess, that's such a dumb rule! If they wouldn't have bent the rules for me, i would have poop in my pants right now!"

"I miss peruvian park."

"i miss gabe."

"lunch time is scary" (his sensory disorder kicking in)

and me asking him, "what did you do at recess?"

his reply, "oh, nothing, i was too nervous to ask anyone to play, so i just sat on a bench."

man, it hurts my heart...

the thought of him feeling alone, or in sheer terror of having an accident at school,

or him longing for his old friends and school makes me really, really sad.

so, i tell him i understand his worries, 

and it's okay to miss his old school and friends, 

and it's okay to be sad.

and then i give him some ideas, some possible solutions, tell him i love him,

and i pray. 

but here's a crucial thing i'm learning...

it is not my job to remove all pain from my childrens' lives.

i can't do that.

i can't keep them from the hard things.

i can't tell them not to feel a certain way.

i can't be with them all the time to save them from loneliness, fear, or hard things.

pain visits like a traveling professor that comes to your door.

you must invite it in, feel it, listen to it, and eventually it will leave, but you have to ride it out. 

you have to acknowledge its' presence.
(thank you for teaching me that Glennon Doyle Melton)

i can't remove the pain from my kids' lives, 

but i can teach them, and help them to navigate through it. 

sometimes i don't know exactly how to do that, but i will always try my hardest.

i can acknowledge and validate them,

and hold their hand while the traveling professor visits.

so, i tell my jonah boy he is brave, i am proud of him, and to ride things out because it will get better.

and in the meantime, i need to fill him up with love,

lots of love.

jonah has been dealt some struggles in this life that we are still learning about, 

and continually trying to work through.

he's a good boy, and i'm so grateful he's mine.

i hope i can do right by him.