changing things.

holy cow, it's been so long since i've done a real blog post over here.
i miss it.
and lately i feel like writing, so i'm back...for today at least:)

When we started todd's fellowship last july, we were excited, and he was in love with the ER (he still is).
But then as the weeks went on, we realized that todd would literally never be home.
To be honest, most of the time, it feels like he doesn't even live here.
It's been way harder than medical school and residency.
So, long story short and sparing all the details,  this last year has been really hard on our family.
We made the decision about a month ago to stop fellowship.
We just knew that 2 more years of living this way would be awful, and really not worth it for us.
So, Todd will finish his contract for the year in June, and then we will be moving to Idaho Falls!
He accepted a job there as a general pediatrician, and will work in a great clinic with an awesome group of doctors.
He has LOVED the ER at primary children's, but not being away from us all of the time.
We are really excited about Idaho Falls. It's only 3.5 hours from Salt Lake, so just a short drive from family.
It has a small town feel, but still has all the stores, schools, and opportunities that we will ever need. 
There is land! lots of open space, and land.
We are going to rent for a year, and then build a house of our own.

This last year has been such a hard year for me for different reasons.
Maybe someday I will go into more detail. I've learned a lot, and unlearned a lot. 

It's weird how even when you are surrounded by four amazing children, motherhood can still feel so lonely.
Especially with todd gone every day and night, it has been hard to just try and get comfortable/used to being lonely. 
It has been amazing though to be close to family, and they have done so much for us. 

We are excited to build and re-create a family life for ourselves. 
Todd's hours will be 8-5:30ish, with most weekends off when we start in Idaho Falls.
I can't even imagine what that will be like, but we are really looking forward to it.
It's like Jonah said, "I wanna get used to that."

*just a side note: i know that there are many married couples who have to sacrifice so much to get through. i know that so many couples have to live apart, or hardly ever get to see each other. i don't mean to throw a pity party for how our life has been. it is a path we chose, and now we are changing our path so that our family can thrive, rather than survive. i'm grateful that we have that option, and that there are brighter days ahead:)